Thursday, February 25, 2010

SOMETHING NEW (GETTING OVER THE OLD)


“Tell me whom you love, and I'll tell you who you are”

 

"If you find it in your heart to care for somebody else, you will have succeeded." - Maya Angelou 


When starting over one must leave the old finish line behind! We often try to start over but from the same starting point, with the lack of willing to try something new. For many we rather stick to these types were use to then branch out to better. We often give up on expectations of greater love,because were use to the lacking or lesser love. The greatest mistake ever made is carried over hurt & baggage into a new relationship we often hold the new partner accountable of the former partners mistakes!


In addition, to the starting over we often jump the gun before were ready. Giving into the temptation of another touch or the fear of being alone. For many men they rather just hit the rebounds then dealing with the love they just lost! Many men deal with heartbreak by jumping in the bed with another woman, as if by sleeping with another woman it will erase the pain from the last one!Most women on the other hand would indulge in a series of dates with men they know aren't going to commit. This way they have no unforeseen hurt again they already know he is not interested or investing in long-term! 



If a broken hearts could come with warning signs! Things would be different if people came with warning labels then you would know the caution ahead! However we do not come with warning signs or even caution flags. We often take advantage of  being broken heart we use that as an excuse a crutch to stay in a broken position. Many women will use the broken heart excuse to keep from being hurt again we use that as a shield or guard to keep out potential hurt!"Potential hurt" there is no guarantee that the next will make the same mistakes or cause the same pain.

However instead of stepping out and disarming ourselves we stay guarded missing a potentially great guy! Most women stick with a type of male that never fails them,however the meaning for that is you're not surprised by them. Your use to liars so you date men that lie that way you're not hurt when they do,some women flock to cheaters because they rather deal with a man they know will then risk being hurt by one who will not! Most women and men would rather play it safe the gamble and risk of being hurt again, furthermore it's easier to deal with what you know then face what you don't know!



When it comes to love, dating, relationships you must be willing to try! You have to understand that you will not get anywhere hoping nothing goes wrong. Life it based off things that might go wrong, so why should relationships,dating, or even love be any different? You cannot be afraid to start over again when you fall down, you have to get up take the lessons learned and move forward! Take the lessons learned not the pain or baggage but the experience and lessons you were taught! We often fail in the next relationship because we do not take the lessons learned with us, we often do the same errors in the last relationship in the new one and wonder what is wrong.If you're lacking communication skills learn to communicate before you jump into another relationship! If you're lacking ambitions find some before getting into a relationship the hardest part about dating someone without goals is helping them find some! If your a cheater find away to be faithful, find out why your unable to turn away temptation?  If your the liars seek out why you feel you must lie rather then telling the truth! It's not hard to change you have to want to, and starting over means changing things about yourself too! We often think that because the break up was the fault of our partners we did not play a role! Like the fault is all theirs but the truth is sometimes it's the little things we neglect that another one won't!You cannot desire anything you do not offer, you cannot expect anything you will not give in return!


The 10 Must have's 

  1. Communication skills- Nobody wants to date someone who can't express themselves. Learn to say what you mean, even more so learn to express emotions as they come not after you have built a case against them!
  2. Honesty- Pretty much tell the truth even if you think it's not going to be received well, we rather hear the truth first then fall for a lie! Not to mention the fact once the truth does come out you have created a bigger problem then if you had just told the truth the first time! 
  3. Living up to Your Demands- Don't look for more then what your willing to give! If your not willing to work, be loyal, give your devotion then don't expect someone to be willing to hand it to you! 
  4. Faithfulness- Enough said don't cheat, nobody wants to hear "I'm sorry I made a mistake,by sleeping with someone else." Because the next question is going to be "Why, what didn't I do for you?" now on top of being hurt you have the concern of not being enough! Be faithful if you feel that things are lacking speak up, or break up! 
  5. Commitment- Be willing to devote yourself to the relationship your in! Often times we are just existing in a relationship not really involved in it! If your not ready to be more or give more make that clear don't have your partner thinking your more devoted then what you really are! 
  6. Friendships- We often forget to be friends in a relationship. We forget to get along with each other, and to be there without the constant need for a label! Friends first last longer then lovers without a common interest!
  7. Definitions- Know your placement often times were given the "girlfriend" role,but were really just that really "great friend". Most times we take on a role for so long that when it's taken from us we don't know how to handle that or deal with the rejection. So make sure you know what both parties bring to the table! 
  8. Spice- Keep things interesting and new. Don't let the spark die because your too busy or too lazy! 
  9. Investments- Look at your relationships as investments! Money and time well spent the biggest mistakes we make is we don't invest in our relationships. Yet we wonder why they die or fall apart, think about it this way of you have an account but you never put money in it. You still have an account but it's no good to you can't use it there is nothing in it for you! 
  10. Knowing Yourself- Don't get so caught up in a relationship you lose you! Don't become so devoted to them that if they leave you say "What am I to do without them?" Now you have to know yourself an maintain that knowledge of who you are!

"The first duty of love is to listen." 
"Lucky is the man who is the first love of a woman, but luckier is the woman who is the last love of a man."
"When I first saw you
I was afraid to talk to you,
When I first talked to you
I was afraid to like you,
When I first liked you
I was afraid to love you,
Now that I love you
I'm afraid to lose you."
"Love at first sight is possible,
but it's always a good idea
to take a second look."
"I may not be your first,
but to be your last would be perfect!"

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