Toya Carter’s Eight Month Rule | Entertainment Spotlight | BET.com

source: BET

HoneyMag.com recently interviewed Toya Carter , and asked her "How soon is too soon?" She shocked many by her response, but gained respect for her honesty! I agree to her eight month rule, and feel more women should stand behind her. Many times we are intimate with someone then find out all the facts and details. This way you're avoiding that you're getting right down to the truth without the distraction of the physical! Most times more so in the industry your greeted by handsome opportunities, however it's not because your a great person but what you can do being who you are! Eight months is a longtime to test the waters but it's a sure bet to find out if they are willing to sink, swim, or jump  over board!

Most men will stick around for the first month maybe three before giving in to the needs. However if he really wants to know you and build a relationship he can wait on the expected intimacy and give you mental intimacy first! Besides for most women if you cannot reach us mentally we are out the door anyway, but now Toya Carter has really raised the bar. Ladies I hope you were paying attention it's time to make men work for it, and time to get to know someone without jumping in the bed to do it! Men do not worry not bashing you, maybe you should make her work for it too! We often think that men usually use us women in the business to get what they want, but women are doing it to climb the ladder to the top too! So let's all wait a little and get to know each other first, it will hurt less later knowing the truth now!
Read More here:
http://blogs.bet.com/entertainment/spotlight/2010/03/25/toya-carters-eight-month-rule/

Monica- First Night 

When Everything is a Fight (Being Sick & Tired)

He's Just Not that Good
Or
He's just Horrible to you
By: Geneva Relf

MP3: Brandy – Who’s The Loser Now (Prod by Timbaland)

There are no shortcuts to love, there is no easy way to handle someone's hearts sometimes you have to walk away to see what it is you really have! The hardest part about being in a relationship is not knowing your placement with that person! Often times were given the responsibility but never the title! Many women often get caught up in the duties they forget to ask if their holding the title as well. I am sure many of you are reading this thinks, how would not you know? Well I am about to tell you how it's easy to get caught up! I am going to break down for you the signs, the complicated emotions, and the way out!  Also I will give the inside track mind of a player what to look for and how to avoid it for the future! By the time you finish reading this you will understand that sometimes it takes an outsider to call a foul on the inside!


The Signs 


Verbal Propaganda- If not you we know someone who has fallen for the verbal propaganda! Were the words are just so sweet before they turn ugly. A man on a mission will use whatever tactics it takes to accomplish his task, this means using you watch out! He will say things like "Babe your the best.", "Your an angel, to me." he will even take it further by telling you how special you are. Often times we hear this ladies and what? Melt we just fall head over heels for sweet words. However we forget to ask "What makes us so special, what about me is so angelic?" We often do not because we already the answers! Fellas fall for this too men often get caught up they underestimate women too much, letting their guards down leaving them open to pain!


The Call or Texting - Paging all Texting only ladies I know your out there! He will not call but he has the nerve to text you to death? When he needs something your phone is always going off, and it seems the minute you need him he has plans? These plans do not always include you, but if you're accepting text messaging its just to see if he really has you on a leash. He has not called in a week but has kept you on his leash, how you ask? He will text you good morning giving you a feeling of importance, but the lingering question is who is on other side of his morning? If he is really concerned do not text back see if he will call, however if you do not hear from him the text was just to see how really accessible you are to his expectations!
 The Calls  take place when he feels it your turn! Your number is like the lottery was pulled today you win a call from Mr.Want!  He will make the call seems as if your the only one he needs when in actuality it's just your hour!



Limited Visits- This occurs when your not the only lady in the camp, so unless you're willing to go camping your staying at home!



The Outing- Where is he taking you, but if you think about it sometimes it's where you're taking yourself? If you're always paying you're really dating yourself but with  handsome company! Where are you taking you?

Complicated Emotions 


The Insecure vibe- This happens when you're not being paid attention, when your no longer #1 to him but a name on a list of many! This emotion has many women willing to compromise their own self respect just to be heard or well appreciated!  This often happens when you do not know yourself worth or your value!



Shut Down- This is when the world is no longer important you grow numb! We women often shut down when a man we trusted has taken advantage of us! We aren't willing to let our guards down again instead we build walls will barbwire and electric gates to keep out the pain!



Getting out 


Discover yourself- We often fall for anything when we do not know our-self or what it is we really need! Players can smell fear,and insecurities a mile away if your afraid to speak your mind, trust me they will put the thoughts in there for you! So know yourself and never let someone become so much that your no longer important!


Letting Go- Once you move on stay gone, a lot of times men will do what it takes to gain your trust again just to slip back into the old ways  they are use to ! So move on stay gone do not allow yourself to be mistreated for sport!


Inside View 

1. Anyone who wants to make it work, will take the time and the effort it takes!

2.Pointless fighting happens when they want an excuse to cheat. Being free to do what they want while your mad!

3. Changing it up on you, happens when he/her is done playing a role! The real him/her will come out and forcing you to choose or adopt!

4. When your tears beat your smiles, they hope that the limited smiles you have out weigh the load of tears!

5. Questions when it seems there are more questions then answers reevaluation time!

6.Rules when you have all the guidelines and they have all the freedom something not right about that?

7. When your love is no longer a factor, when your feeling of security is slipping, when you're too tired to fight anymore!

8. When all they have is words, a kiss, or a touch it's over, they will hold you while you let them but eventually you will want more or at least you should!






MP3: Chris Brown – Submarine

SONGS ABOUT LOVE, LIFE, AND DEALING WITH HEART ACHE

ARETHA FRANKLIN- HURTS LIKE HELL


ARETHA FRANKLIN FT. LAURYN HILL- A ROSE IS STILL A ROSE



ERYKAH BADU FT. COMMON - LOVE OF MY LIFE


COMMON FT. MARY J. BLIGE - COME CLOSE


COMMON- I WANT YOU

SOMETHING NEW (GETTING OVER THE OLD)

“Tell me whom you love, and I'll tell you who you are”

 

"If you find it in your heart to care for somebody else, you will have succeeded." - Maya Angelou 

When starting over one must leave the old finish line behind! We often try to start over but from the same starting point, with the lack of willing to try something new. For many we rather stick to these types were use to then branch out to better. We often give up on expectations of greater love,because were use to the lacking or lesser love. The greatest mistake ever made is carried over hurt & baggage into a new relationship we often hold the new partner accountable of the former partners mistakes!


In addition, to the starting over we often jump the gun before were ready. Giving into the temptation of another touch or the fear of being alone. For many men they rather just hit the rebounds then dealing with the love they just lost! Many men deal with heartbreak by jumping in the bed with another woman, as if by sleeping with another woman it will erase the pain from the last one!Most women on the other hand would indulge in a series of dates with men they know aren't going to commit. This way they have no unforeseen hurt again they already know he is not interested or investing in long-term! 

If a broken hearts could come with warning signs! Things would be different if people came with warning labels then you would know the caution ahead! However we do not come with warning signs or even caution flags. We often take advantage of  being broken heart we use that as an excuse a crutch to stay in a broken position. Many women will use the broken heart excuse to keep from being hurt again we use that as a shield or guard to keep out potential hurt!"Potential hurt" there is no guarantee that the next will make the same mistakes or cause the same pain. However instead of stepping out and disarming ourselves we stay guarded missing a potentially great guy! Most women stick with a type of male that never fails them,however the meaning for that is you're not surprised by them. Your use to liars so you date men that lie that way you're not hurt when they do,some women flock to cheaters because they rather deal with a man they know will then risk being hurt by one who will not! Most women and men would rather play it safe the gamble and risk of being hurt again, furthermore it's easier to deal with what you know then face what you don't know!

When it comes to love, dating, relationships you must be willing to try! You have to understand that you will not get anywhere hoping nothing goes wrong. Life it based off things that might go wrong, so why should relationships,dating, or even love be any different? You cannot be afraid to start over again when you fall down, you have to get up take the lessons learned and move forward! Take the lessons learned not the pain or baggage but the experience and lessons you were taught! We often fail in the next relationship because we do not take the lessons learned with us, we often do the same errors in the last relationship in the new one and wonder what is wrong.If you're lacking communication skills learn to communicate before you jump into another relationship! If you're lacking ambitions find some before getting into a relationship the hardest part about dating someone without goals is helping them find some! If your a cheater find away to be faithful, find out why your unable to turn away temptation?  If your the liars seek out why you feel you must lie rather then telling the truth! It's not hard to change you have to want to, and starting over means changing things about yourself too! We often think that because the break up was the fault of our partners we did not play a role! Like the fault is all theirs but the truth is sometimes it's the little things we neglect that another one won't!You cannot desire anything you do not offer, you cannot expect anything you will not give in return!

The 10 Must have's 

1. Communication skills- Nobody wants to date someone who can't express themselves. Learn to say what you mean, even more so learn to express emotions as they come not after you have built a case against them!
2. Honesty- Pretty much tell the truth even if you think it's not going to be received well, we rather hear the truth first then fall for a lie! Not to mention the fact once the truth does come out you have created a bigger problem then if you had just told the truth the first time! 
3. Living up to Your Demands- Don't look for more then what your willing to give! If your not willing to work, be loyal, give your devotion then don't expect someone to be willing to hand it to you! 
4. Faithfulness- Enough said don't cheat, nobody wants to hear "I'm sorry I made a mistake,by sleeping with someone else." Because the next question is going to be "Why, what didn't I do for you?" now on top of being hurt you have the concern of not being enough! Be faithful if you feel that things are lacking speak up, or break up! 
5. Commitment- Be willing to devote yourself to the relationship your in! Often times we are just existing in a relationship not really involved in it! If your not ready to be more or give more make that clear don't have your partner thinking your more devoted then what you really are! 
6. Friendships- We often forget to be friends in a relationship. We forget to get along with each other, and to be there without the constant need for a label! Friends first last longer then lovers without a common interest!
7. Definitions- Know your placement often times were given the "girlfriend" role,but were really just that really "great friend". Most times we take on a role for so long that when it's taken from us we don't know how to handle that or deal with the rejection. So make sure you know what both parties bring to the table! 
8. Spice- Keep things interesting and new. Don't let the spark die because your too busy or too lazy! 
9. Investments- Look at your relationships as investments! Money and time well spent the biggest mistakes we make is we don't invest in our relationships. Yet we wonder why they die or fall apart, think about it this way of you have an account but you never put money in it. You still have an account but it's no good to you can't use it there is nothing in it for you! 
10. Knowing Yourself- Don't get so caught up in a relationship you lose you! Don't become so devoted to them that if they leave you say "What am I to do without them?" Now you have to know yourself an maintain that knowledge of who you are!

"The first duty of love is to listen." 

"Lucky is the man who is the first love of a woman, but luckier is the woman who is the last love of a man."

"When I first saw you
I was afraid to talk to you,
When I first talked to you
I was afraid to like you,
When I first liked you
I was afraid to love you,
Now that I love you
I'm afraid to lose you."

"Love at first sight is possible,
but it's always a good idea
to take a second look."

"I may not be your first,
but to be your last would be perfect!"

When I Came Home

Relationships are complex the true complication comes in when truth has been lacks in the beginning. Often times relationships are started off on the wrong foot, when one is hiding their true intentions. I once thought that when it comes to relationships that you're given what you put in them. However that is not always fact mainly when your the only one being productive to start with. "Players" have ruined the very meaning of love, using it to gain affection or attention from the one they are pursuing. Often times we hear the words "I Love You" so often from crooked lips, that when were graced to hear them from the right ones were deaf! Many women will go through hell and back just to be in the arms of a man who says "I Love You". Many men will stick it out with a woman who says "I Love You" because of the theory "it's cheaper to keep her"!


A man once said to me "Omg your the best" and I replied "Wow really you never said that before?" and he replied "Oh no I just said sorry for not Showing it." You think that once you realize you're not showing someone how amazing they are to you, well you would step up! However for many men its a skill to keep you held with the hope one day that they will flood you with appreciation. Then to even say "Damn your such an angel." Then to turn around and tell her that it's pointless no matter what she does she shall never get what she really wants "You". However the game is to keep her around making sure that she doesn't stray to far just if you need her later. See most women have a limit of how far they will go, how much they will put up with before they let the tears beat them to the door! Most men have a level of pain they will endure before they say its over. Many of us will stay in an unhealthy relationships do to the time, we do not want to let years of devotion go down the drain. Many of us live in a world where we think that things will get better, that improvement is just around the corner!

"The Dreamer"- This person hopes that the relationship will be better. That the fairy tale lifestyle will comeback, prince charming is just around the corner he is ready to sweep you back off your feet! That queen you loved from the start is ready to regain her place in the kingdom. The dreamer is often so blinded by fear that it's over they will hide from the reality of what is really happening. Often times making excuses of why they will not leave or why they have to work things out.



"The Liar" - Well this happens a lot sadly we rather make up a relationship then face the one we are involved in. The difference among the dreamer, and liar is that a liar is aware of the fact things are horrible yet to get better. The liar is willing to make up happiness then face the truth that it's over and not getting any better. Nonetheless it takes facing the truth before they will walk away and admit that enough is enough.


"The Hopeful"- This is when your the worker in the relationship, and the devoted one through it all. Your the one that loses sleep while they have the quite dreams. Your the one that keeps the faith that if your supportive,devoted,loyal, and even just there they will come around. You have all the hope in the world that your time is not in vain.


"The Unfaithful"- This is when one of two things has taken place they have been hurt before or not willing to commit just yet. See when someone has been cheated on or betrayed in some way their guard is on high alert! They become more aware of everything, the littlest of details become suspect to them. Then you have the one that is just not willing to settle down, they aren't ready for the responsibility of being devoted. However there are some cases where you get the mixture of both, they have been hurt and not willing to face, that pain again. So cheating either emotionally or physically eases that pain for them, making it justifiable in their minds! Sometimes creating failure in a relationship just to justify their actions and emotions.
 

Dealing with the truth is hard, moving on is even harder. The greatest question ever asked "Can you remain friends after it's all done?" Many would say it depends on how the relationship ends, and if you're willing to just be friends?Sometimes you cannot just be friends when it hurts to see them around you not because you're in love, but because of all you went through just to have another benefit! Then there are times when you become the instant rebound they already know you and know that the feels are still there. You're enabling the hurt for later by sticking around knowing they aren't in it for the finish.

However there are some cases where you can be friends when it's all over, sometimes you fall out of love or liking and into a friendship. That is sad often unfortunate however it does happen your better friends then lovers so it works. In addition, to that when your the one that has been hurt over and over the only way you heal is with a distant relationship. You have to keep them away for your own peace of mind not letting yourself fall back into a painful situation! 

5 Step to Happiness

1. Know yourself 1st 
2. Make a list of what you want in a mate (Realistic things not qualities you lack yourself)
3. Wake up looking forward to the positive (count your blessing)
4. Grow up (accept responsibility for your actions)
5. Good Deeds (Doing something out of the kindness of your heart not for a return)

What Do You think

A man asked the question "Why Be faithful if they think your cheating anyways?... that's the question that all the dudes with insecure ass females need to ask themselves?" 

At first I had great pause to answering this question,because to me it seems that sometimes we ask what we already know!Maybe it's a deep down feeling we have that we are wrong or about to commit an error and need to feel justified in it to do so. However how do you know when you have gone too far, and your about to make that terrible mistake, or you have pushed someone into thinking you have? Then the question of what does it take to secure a person in their feelings is the next one! In addition to that the question of why does love drive you to question it, and why does questions push people away? I often think that the past has a lot to do with the present, and the footing you start with has a path of it's own. Not saying that a cheater can't ever change and want to be faithful, but yet and however it's hard to trust! Then the question of where does blind trust and honest trust start? The difference is that blind trust is where you don't see what is going on around you, and you choose not believe what you hear or even see! Then you have honest trust which is where you stand by that person no matter what rain or shine, and you believe in your heart that they are where they say and doing what they claim. Now when I did answer this question I was a little hurt to be honest because I often wonder if I pushed this question myself? 

My Response:
"Wow, Where did this come from? However it's a two way street. You leave the door of insecurity open long enough someone is going to walk through it! It's not about her feeling insecure but can you secure her, and check her doubt at the door! At the same time it applies to men who accuse women of cheating because they have a lot of male friends or friendly. A lot of times it's our actions that lead to doubt and sometimes women will let it slide because we don't want to be called insecure but that's what you lead us to feel! Not you personally but the situation at hand, and yet sometimes most people will use that as an excuse to do wrong and cheat! "Well they think I am anyway, so might as well prove it." Wrong because see then your the bad guy it's better to communicate and deal with it when it comes up. Rather then ignore it or sweep it under the rug, however I have learned that sometimes you can push people into things you never thought you could! Many times it hard to deal with things like this cause no one wants to be cheated on, but you keep leaving enough questions unanswered, and throw enough fits! What else are you suppose to think other then there is something to hide! I have learned that sometimes you can do it all and still have him cheat so, and same to women a man can be amazing but she still messes up and cheats. But the point is not to punish the next person! A lot of times God will hand you what you ask for, or give you a second chance to redeem yourself, but it's up to you! I guess not pointing fingers at all just saying that sometimes it's the image you give that leads to the questions and doubt you get! My thoughts I could be wrong though I have been before! But whatever brought this on sorry about that! And I'm apologizing too for all the trouble on my end, and I know I was the downfall and just horrible to you really, but I apologize so sorry! But that's what friends are for right you mess up and they forgive you I hope!"

So I guess the question is how do you answer that question? And then how do you go about living that answer, are we just humans that get pushed into these feelings? Or maybe I'm wrong and it's more then that but we are just too blind to see it! I often wonder if it's the karma of our actions that lead to such doubt in our lives. Like if you were a better man then you wouldn't have to ask why she doubts you? However if she was handling her business would she have to question if you were creeping? Then if no one is at fault or error and your both taking care of each other then why is there doubt in your minds? Where does this doubt come from and how come we can't just wash it away? I often think that sometimes it would be better not to have a heart at all, but then the fact you can't feel pain is great! However you can't feel pain you can't possibly feel joy,happiness, pleasure it will be gone too. So I guess how do you answer this is what I'm left with and how do you securely be with anyone?

Musiq Soulchild - Teach Me